Wise Up

A day like this makes you wonder what you are doing here in the first place. Why do you put up with this, with them, when no one really cares to know you? No one really knows your world, your soul. Why are you here? You will come and go and they will not even know it. What's left of you are pieces of a crushed heart in a fist, blood wordlessly dripping.

It's not
What you thought
When you first began it
You got
What you want
Now you can hardly stand it though,
By now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

You're sure
There's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think
One drink
Will shrink you 'til you're underground
And living down
But it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

Prepare a list of what you need
Before you sign away the deed
'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
So just...give up

~ Aimee Mann, Wise Up

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

You never learn. You ignored all their warnings and trusted again. Wise up, girl. Wise up.

Happy birthday to me

With my boys in Crisologo Street, Vigan, on my 29th birthday. Wish my P were there with me.

Sweet...

For now...

I'm signing off.

My class had just recently won a national competition on entrepreneurship, and helped a GK community in the process. We bested other schools like Ateneo, Pisay, Southridge, etc. So proud of them.

I have been very, very tired lately; mainly because of school--my Seniors and I are totally loaded with work. On Saturday until the 20th, we'll be up north going around Banaue, Bontoc, Sagada, Baguio, Vigan, Laoag and Pagudpud for their History of Architecture and Anthropology classes. I'll be with them as, well, a watchdog and writing teacher.

I don't know why but today, I had THAT feeling again. I want to vanish.

I'm going to miss P. I'm going to miss everyone; well, I'm missing everyone already.

Oh well. I feel dumb, worthless, useless. Or maybe it's just pre-birthday blues. I'm turning 29 in nine days. Can you believe that? 29? Can't wait til I'm 30.

Yeah, 29 years old, and what have I done? What have I done in this wicked, wicked lifetime? A Master's degree with a thesis lacking; articles, poems, stories in magazines, newspapers and anthologies here and there; empty pockets, unread books,blank notebooks; ended friendships; broken hearts and enemies; crushed souls...

Boy, this is getting depressing. Must stop.

Hanggang sa muli.