Que sera, sera
In Take the Lead, a clip of this song was sung and I asked myself, isn't that so sad? What will be, will be?
Oh I don't know. Maybe I'm just too tired. School's only on its second week and here I am thinking about when I was a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be...
So what will I be really? What have I become?
I want to answer these questions. I want to come up with answers. Yet my brain is screaming for rest. I feel so inadequate. School started without me fully prepared for it. I even have tasks that I should have done over the summer! I don't like this. I hate feeling so inefficient. I'm also afraid that my students will feel this from me--I dont want that!
While I was doing the dishes after dinner, I told myself, well, this is how you've lived your life, anyway, Tin. One day at a time. And it worked, didn't it? It always does.
In other news, P started teaching dance in school. Waldorf upper school kids are now learning to do the salsa, swing, samba, tango, cha-cha! P did it so well. He captured the students gracefully, followed his steps like they "trusted" him, you know what I mean? It's so inspiring when students actually follow you, when they actually do what you are teaching them to do and you see the result right before your eyes. My husband was amazing! Teaching ballroom dancing to a bunch of kids influenced by hip-hop/goth/emo/rock music is a feat. Honey, you're a great teacher! And dancer, of course.
And tonight after dinner, he taught me the basics of the samba. Have I told you, you are always the highlight of my day?
Mama's leaving for Singapore in July to attend to Tere. I'm so sad. Sad because I'll totally miss Mama when she leaves and I won't even be able to take her to the airport because I'll be in Germany by then. Sad, too, because I won't be able to be with my only sister and best friend as gives birth to baby Aidan...And sad, because Mama will be leaving our family back home, especially my brother TJ and his family. Mama's the tie that binds, so to speak.
What will we do without her soon???
Sigh. I hope there's a sigh that's big enough to swallow all my other sighs...