Gray skies and Saturday rain greeted me this morning. It's been pouring the whole day. It's quiet now; there's only the sound of the raindrops and the keyboard keeping me company. P is fast asleep for his siesta. Me, I'm thinking of my sister.

She's going back to Singapore now and I wish I was able to spend more time with her. I promise I'd visit her in April. I hope I can. I'm thinking of her now, with little Aiden sleeping sweetly on her lap. I'm happy I got to know and play with my nephew. When he grows up, I'd take him kite-flying. We'll have a grand time, Aiden and I.

Last night, my family--that's my brother, his wife and my niece Iya, my cousins (Borgy, Bryan, Barry and Keng), my sister, her husband and Aiden--had dinner together. P was with us, too.

There's really nothing execptional with this post--none of my posts are anyway. I just want to send out my thoughts to all of them now. I'm thinking of you guys...

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31 rehearsal days to go and it's show time. Sometimes I ask myself why the heck did we choose to produce "The Phantom of the Opera" anyway? Look at us now, all stressed out and exhausted. And panicking. But just like I told Max, "we will always be ambitious!" (That's actually a retort to a parent who said we are so ambitious for attempting to do Phantom).

Note to self:

1)sign contract with PETA theater and SDC Hall at the Ateneo.
2) study Modules 5 to 6 of Dr. H's Psych of Reading.
3) Ask Belay if she could be our pianist for the play.
4) Help with Iya's 3rd birthday party.
5) FINISH CHECKING SENIORS' PROJECT PAPERS Parts 1 to 3.
6) Call Mama.
7) Breathe.

A New Year's Wish

"May [this] year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art--write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in [this] year, you surprise yourself." ~ Neil Gaiman

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Friday randomness:

* I went with Tere to TriNoMa and Greenhills and shopped till we both dropped. Well, she did the shopping and I did the picking. I was reminded of the times when we would shop together--when I was still single and working for the project and she was still in college. I would always, always get impatient with her for being too meticulous in inspecting whatever she was buying. As in parang quality control sa factory :p But as she puts it, she just wants her money's worth.

Had a quite early day today. Had coffee with P before he sent me off in a cab to meet my sister and he to his work. Met up with Tere at Gymboree where my nephew Aiden and his dad J were. Aiden was so cute in his first class with those cute little people.

Spent about three hours in the mall, lunch was Japanese. Headed to Greenhills afterwards and shopped some more. My sister was so happy with her purchases. It was just a bit annoying because she kept on converting Singapore $ to peso. Haha.

Had dinner there and of course, I had Reyes chicken barbecue AGAIN. Sarap eh.

Tere and I have matching necklaces.

Our conversations mostly focused on family and work and how much we think we've changed since we got married.

She went home with me and sorted her loot. I was egging her to do some sort of a runway show so we could ooh and aah at the clothes but she was too lazy to do so :p

Then J picked her up. Aiden was asleep.

I'll see her again on Wednesday and definitely on Friday. She leaves for Singapore on Saturday.

* Sometime this afternoon, Mama texted that she was reading a Danielle Steel novel and said that she knows I could write something like that someday. She said she used to read my blog when she was still at my cousin's in Markham. That was the first time Mama actually said something about my writing. And yes, Ma, I will write something someday. And you will be in it.

* Big Night na tomorrow. To those who don't know, P and I watch PBB! I love most of the celebrity housemates hahaha. Really. I like all the Big Four but I wish Jon wasn't evicted. Sana puwedeng Big five. Oh well. So tomorrow, P and I will be in front of the TV at 8:30pm. Do not disturb :p

Oh, and vote BB_Ruben! Hahahaha. Ano ba ito.

* 1 hour na lang and I'll be logging on the Ateneo website to check out the admitted freshmen list! It's nerve-wracking!

* Congratulations to the lioness B for passing DLSU!

* There's the nice chilly January air. Sigh.

* Two days before school resumes. Gaaaaaaaad!!!

* Yun lang.

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Happy New Year!

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Thank you, Borgy, for being there for all of us. Love you!
"I don't have a perfect family but I love the one I have..." ~ Borgy

Ano'ng Gagawin Mo Ngayong Pasko?

Para ito kay Mama at sa ating lahat. Sana'y makita natin anumang ating hanap. Maligayang pasko!

Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayong Pasko
Nag-iisa ang ‘yong puso.
Dapat mong isipin mayrong ibang
Nagmamahal sa’yo.

At kung di makita ang hanap mo
Mga kaibiga’y naririto.
Ating ipagdiwang yaring panahon
Tulad ng mga bata tuwing Pasko.


Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayong Pasko?
Nag-iisa ang ‘yong puso.
Dapat mong isipin mayro’ng ibang
Nagmamahal sa’yo.

Lululu…

At kung di makita ang hanap mo
Mga kaibiga’y naririto.
Ating ipagdiwang yaring panahon
Tulad ng mga batang tuwing pasko.

Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayong pasko?
Nag-iisa ang ‘yong puso.
Dapat mong isipin mayro’ng ibang
Nagmamahal, nagmamahal, nagmamahal
Sa’yo.

Lulululululululu.


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* Christmas has been a rollercoaster ride but it's been good; mostly spent time with P, his family and mine. P and I also got to go to simbang gabi at the Gesu and this season led me inwards, more spiritually. I got to attend a recollection at Stella Orientis, too, which I needed so so bad...

* In the hustle and bustle of Christmas, there was a huge part of me thinking about Mama and how she is, how lonely she is now in Canada, how hard she has to work there, how cold it is there, etc... I know that no matter what I do, Christmases will never be the same again until Mama is back here with us.

* My sister and her family are arriving from Singapore tomorrow so that's one great Christmas gift to me. I promised to myself that I'd spend a lot of time with her this time, even if there's really a lot of work for me to do for the rest of the break.

* My brother needs a lot of prayers and good thoughts for his health. God, please make him well...

* P and I have gotten even closer this year. He is the sweetest gift I have.

* P and I hosted breakfast for Mommy, Papa, Butch, Cynthia and Fr. Bill Kreutz this morning. It was lovely. I'm so happy Manang Cyn liked the house. They're special gifts to P and me, too.

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Two and a half months from now and my Seniors will be graduating. What a year this is, what a year...

Blogger has just eaten an entry I wrote a few minutes ago. It was actually a rant about this person--from my husband's side of the family, actually. It was just as well, I suppose. I was mad. Frothing in the mouth. Ayaw siguro ng langit na lumabas pa kung gano ako kaasar sa taong yun.Ayoko ng bastos. Yun lang.

Tama na nga. There's just too much negativity already. It's Christmas. It's Christmas.

Wise Up

A day like this makes you wonder what you are doing here in the first place. Why do you put up with this, with them, when no one really cares to know you? No one really knows your world, your soul. Why are you here? You will come and go and they will not even know it. What's left of you are pieces of a crushed heart in a fist, blood wordlessly dripping.

It's not
What you thought
When you first began it
You got
What you want
Now you can hardly stand it though,
By now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

You're sure
There's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think
One drink
Will shrink you 'til you're underground
And living down
But it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

Prepare a list of what you need
Before you sign away the deed
'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
So just...give up

~ Aimee Mann, Wise Up

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You never learn. You ignored all their warnings and trusted again. Wise up, girl. Wise up.

Happy birthday to me

With my boys in Crisologo Street, Vigan, on my 29th birthday. Wish my P were there with me.

Sweet...

For now...

I'm signing off.

My class had just recently won a national competition on entrepreneurship, and helped a GK community in the process. We bested other schools like Ateneo, Pisay, Southridge, etc. So proud of them.

I have been very, very tired lately; mainly because of school--my Seniors and I are totally loaded with work. On Saturday until the 20th, we'll be up north going around Banaue, Bontoc, Sagada, Baguio, Vigan, Laoag and Pagudpud for their History of Architecture and Anthropology classes. I'll be with them as, well, a watchdog and writing teacher.

I don't know why but today, I had THAT feeling again. I want to vanish.

I'm going to miss P. I'm going to miss everyone; well, I'm missing everyone already.

Oh well. I feel dumb, worthless, useless. Or maybe it's just pre-birthday blues. I'm turning 29 in nine days. Can you believe that? 29? Can't wait til I'm 30.

Yeah, 29 years old, and what have I done? What have I done in this wicked, wicked lifetime? A Master's degree with a thesis lacking; articles, poems, stories in magazines, newspapers and anthologies here and there; empty pockets, unread books,blank notebooks; ended friendships; broken hearts and enemies; crushed souls...

Boy, this is getting depressing. Must stop.

Hanggang sa muli.