Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Earlier this evening,while waiting for P to pick me up from school,I suddenly told myself: I could die now.

I am exhausted. We had to adjust the whole department's schedule because of an absent Music teacher; just one teacher missing and the whole school went gaga. And so I taught practically the whole day with only a 50 minute break and a late Jollibee lunch at 3pm. But as I sat under the duhat tree when everyone has gone home,with my feet aching like hell, my back sore and burning,I looked up at the sky and had that moment of utter contentment.

If I'd have to go right there and then, I said, I wouldn't resist. I thought of P and told myself, he'd understand; he knows I love him so much and knowing that he knows is comforting. I've known these kids for two years, so I guess that's good--at least, I've already become a part of their lives. My family will be fine, I said. Because of these, there's no reason why I should fear death, right? I know I've done my best to live freely, trying my might to love and be loved. So as easily as saying yes to freshly brewed coffee, I said, "yes, I could die now."

Who knows?


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